Hurt 😰

I remembering it hurt, hearing her voice hurt. I am talking about my ex girlfriend here. Every time she calls I feel like an old wound is opening up again to be hurt - not the hurt of a wound though, an unexplainable feeling - and keep me thinking for I do not know how long. It feels like getting over her all over again every time I talk to her.

I do not know what's happening in her head but this is what's happening in mine. I've been planning on living outside the country for six months now and I've finally saved up for my living expenses in the Arab world until I get a work permit there. This decision of living out of the country has everything to do with this ex girlfriend of mine. I've thought of changing my number but then I've got about five hundred contacts I cannot change it over night, though breaking up with someone is a legitimate reason enough to change your number for most people.

My ex and I have been separated for some years now. Thinking about it makes it seem like moths ago. I know folks reading this would be like move on get another girl and you'll be better. But all it takes is for me to receive that one phone call and I am back to the bottom again. Most times I wish drinking was legal and I'll drown all my sorrows of her along with the memories of her. The sad part is being sober again and would have to return to the bottle and end up with a drinking problem.

I'm looking forward to traveling out to hopefully sharja, where I'll learn the Arabic language more and the. Work there for a while. I'm not sure if this will help me but this is what I want to do and hopefully make a better person of myself.

The feeling I have for her is undying. I have no idea but it feels like she's still that kryptonite. She does put me in order. I guess I write on the feeling I have for her books long but the fact she said their won't be us anymore tears me every time. I really hope... *something selfish *